That Unsettled Feeling
“The true journey of discovery does not consist in searching for new territories but in having new eyes.” - Marcel Proust
So, you’re feeling unsettled. You’ve felt this before. In fact, now that you sit and think about it, you’ve had this feeling quite often. Now you’re starting to worry about what all that means: “What’s wrong with me?” “What’s happened in my past that means I’m constantly wanting to move around?” “Why can’t I just be happy with what I’ve got?” and on and on and on.
Okay, well there may be something in your past that is triggering this and even if you do figure it out you won’t be able to effectively handle changing it all by yourself - that’s some deep-seated stuff. Go and talk to a counsellor or psychologist about it. See if there is any strength to that concern. A session or two will soon show whether there is some past ‘baggage’ that needs addressing and then you can take it from there.
However, there is as much chance that your feeling of unsettlement is not stemming from past regressions but more from not knowing who you are now, today - in this present moment. You are trying to fit a situation into your life instead of letting your life find the right situation. “Easy”, says you, “I’ll just swap that mindset around”.
Oh boy, if only it was THAT easy!
Such a change will take time, of course it will, you’ve spent a long time thinking in the complete opposite way. It’s like trying to convince someone who is right-handed that they are actually left-handed; it can be done but not overnight.
What do I know about it?
I’ve always (and still do at times but I’ve learned to accept it as part of me) struggled with feeling ‘settled’. I’ve lived and worked in multiple countries, to-ing and fro-ing and I’ve known a long time that ‘something wasn’t right’ when I would wince and feel a surge of anxiety when someone would say to me “So, you’re back for good now then?”
Had past situations caused this feeling? I don’t think so. Yes, I moved around a couple of times as a child due to growing up in a family business but I don’t believe that single-handedly caused my anxieties of FOMO (fear of missing out) that comes whenever I remotely feel ‘settled’ somewhere. So, instead, I looked at what it was that wasn’t fulfilling me enough to be content with what I had and where I was at geographically, emotionally, and financially. It was a hard road to walk (technically I stumbled a few times too!) and it can feel very confronting.
Make that inner voice your friend - but don't let it rule your life
That inner voice people say is your negative voice is also your ‘fight or flight’ voice and is extremely important to have in your life - at keeping you safe. But for so long my inner voice had been given complete control and so when I tried to question or change something, I would hear this voice telling me that change is not going to help, that listening to this voice had kept me safe all these years and will continue to do so, so there is no need to change my outlook at all. Now, this voice isn’t evil; it’s right to suggest that keeping the status quo will keep you safe and alive but will it make you happy and content?.....mmmmm.
So slowly, but surely, I started to see what I enjoyed about where I was and what I didn’t and how I felt about things. Then I started to look at what could I change about things so I would feel more content and what things did I have to accept as the way they were. And sometimes that is the difficulty.
Talking things out gives your concerns a voice to be heard
Talking things through with a coach, an unemotionally attached person, can help you on your journey quicker, easier, and with some fun on the way. Yes, you still have to do all the work but you’ve not had to only deal with it yourself. Why make everything as hard as possible for you? A few sessions with me can have you feeling more empowered, more settled and more content than you’ve ever been and in a shorter space of time so that leaves you more time to either enjoy where you are in your current equilibrium or feel that you are now living your life that sings to your soul, your psyche, rather than enforcing yourself into a ‘boxed’ situation because “that’s just how it is”.
So am I “back for good?” Well, if that means I can go to the places I want to (geographically) because I work hard at my business remaining mobile (financially) and which gives me the freedom to be with those I want and need to be with (emotionally), then yes, I’m back for good - well actually, I never left… I just found myself!
If this resonated with you, get in touch. Let’s have a ‘no-strings attached’ chat to see if I can help you either recognise you’re on the right journey or help you find the right one with you.
© YMR Coaching & Development
Yvonne has qualifications in Coaching, Positive Psychology, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and believes in continual personal development. She is currently based in the UK and also has life and work experience in Ireland, New Zealand and Australia. She helps with mindset wellbeing and change which includes significant relocations. She is contactable for client availability, public speaking events and media enquiries here: https://www.ymrcoaching.com/helpful-links