"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
I can't...
It's impossible...
There is no way...
Ring any bells? You are simply not human if you have never uttered words similar to these at some time in your life; either to yourself or outwardly.
I agree. There are things that we literally cannot do or even decide after some deliberation, consideration, and soul-searching we feel we cannot do. That is fine. But have you ever thought about how many of us come up with the phrases listed above without truly considering all of the possibilities before stamping the situation with:
"I can't"?
I believe "I can't" should be followed up with documentation of reasons why which clearly shows that you have fully thought through the thing you believe you cannot do as proof that you have indeed considered all of the possibilities (and consequences) of your decision to "I can’t”.
For the record, fear is not a justifiable reason within itself; fear is a feeling, not a reason.
By looking at fear square on, it allows you to say things along the lines of:
"This situation terrifies me but I need to understand why so that I can truly decide whether it is something to be fearful of or something that is challenging but still doable."
See? There is a difference
One of the hardest things to do is look at those situations that you believe you cannot do. Instead of seeing it with a heavy heart, look at it from the perspective of how good you would feel if you crossed off at least one of those things on your ‘cannot do’ list. Seriously, stop and just ponder on how good that would make you feel - you might even sense a little smirky smile on your face!
"I can't" to "I can"
If you think about all those people who felt they could not feel better about themselves, feel fitter, feel slimmer, feel stronger, feel braver, feel happier and they did end up feeling those things - how come they could but you can’t? They thought their goals were impossible but decided to stand up to them, and from doing it they now have smiles on their faces from ongoing strength, courage and confidence. Each stepping stone becomes sturdier than the last... you can do it, you know you can.
But I get that it may be hard to do by yourself - and perhaps you've already asked for some help from others close to you and so you don't feel you can ask again. This is where a coach comes in. They are a person who listens to you, help you map out a way forward and keep you accountable to ensure that you are being fair and kind to yourself. I am one of those people. Get in touch with me here if you want to turn your fears and worries around to feeling confident, assured and walking tall with a big smile on your face.
© YMR Coaching & Development
Yvonne has qualifications in Coaching, Positive Psychology, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and believes in continual personal development. She is currently based in the UK and also has life and work experience in Ireland, New Zealand and Australia. She helps with mindset wellbeing and change which includes significant relocations. She is contactable for client availability, public speaking events and media enquiries here: https://www.ymrcoaching.com/helpful-links