"Success is a journey, not a destination.” - Ben Sweetland
You’ve been offered a job in another country or you have already relocated to another country or you are seriously considering going to live and work in another country...but...but...but…
Such large expectations, excitements and concerns sit with everyone who considers the above scenarios. Don’t get me wrong, I for one know exactly what all of those scenarios feel like. They were me at different times in my life, including relocating back to what is determined as your ‘home country’ (the country you were born in). You work through your concerns and trepidation. You feel you’ve adequately satisfied yourself that all is well so all that is left is the excitement of being there… which is amazing! The buzz is fabulous. You made it! Wow, you actually did it! You’ve got gold. You succeeded.
Sometimes so much emphasis is put on the destination that nothing has been celebrated in the lead up to the destination never mind thinking about ‘what next’ after arriving at a said destination that you lost countless nights' sleep over; not to mention family and friends thinking:
“for crying out loud will you just go already and have the fun that we ALL know you’re gonna have!”
And this is where the wheels can start to wobble a little
Because now you are in a new world, a new culture (even if you have had to relocate back “home”), you don’t have the emotional or social support that you can normally fall back on. Yes, of course, they are still there at the end of a phone, text message or video call but they are not ‘there’ with you at that exact moment in time where you simply need a hug; an assurance; a vibe.
To add to that you don’t want your family and friends to see you sad, so far away, in the place that you’ve dreamed of going to (or happy to return back to), the place that you’ve undeniably sold over and over again to anyone that would listen. You don’t want them to feel inadequate (like you do), to feel far away from you… so you lie.
You have now entered the ‘pretend zone’
You work so hard at pretending to everyone else that everything at your destination is just so ‘peachy’ that they will never know how lonely, alone and out of your comfort zone you really are. And you do such a good job of that, that you have inadvertently completely convinced yourself too. Only you’re not feeling all that ‘peachy’, you’re not just continuously buzzing with excitement, and secretly you are becoming quite concerned about what is wrong with you that you feel this way after all the hard work you put in before you moved.
It can feel like hell
I had spent too much time convincing everyone else that everything was just perfect, that it was worth the heartache I had caused all my loved ones in leaving them and the heartache that I had caused myself because I completely focused only on the destination, the getting there and why it was the best thing to do. I didn’t look at the journey towards there. I didn’t stop and connect along the way. I didn’t reassess and review as I went along. I didn’t ‘check-in’ with myself. And then when my support network wasn’t there at my destination, I decided I could do it all by myself:
“I’m a big girl”
Nobody gets prizes for trying to stand alone in the world. So if you’re already feeling in that place, then reach out to me. It is horrid feeling like that and having to pretend. Believe me, it will wear you down, you will slowly feel worse. Let’s catch it now and we can do something effective to enjoy your current situation better.
If you’re in the process of relocating, contact me so that I can walk with you in your thought processes so that you feel as prepared as possible for your continued successful journey - tickets, visas, passport, vaccines, mental wellbeing? (all ticked!).
And if you are pondering on whether you should make such a move at all - well what a perfect time to have read this post. Get in touch now so we can set some stepping stones of success moments in place so that you feel completely prepared and comfortable with a big move… or deciding you won’t make the move at all - an equally successful decision should that be the one that transpires.
In all cases, let’s chat and make sure you are truly honouring your own wellbeing effectively in this big decision.
You can contact me through my website and through social media (Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn).
Please like and share this article if you wish as you will be helping me to connect with people out there who may just need that help, if not yourself.
© YMR Coaching & Development
Yvonne has qualifications in Coaching, Positive Psychology, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and believes in continual personal development. She is currently based in the UK and also has life and work experience in Ireland, New Zealand and Australia. She helps with mindset wellbeing and change which includes significant relocations. She is contactable for client availability, public speaking events and media enquiries here: https://www.ymrcoaching.com/helpful-links