Ever felt completely and utterly lost?
Ever wondered why other people seem to know what they want to be or do or have in their lives but you have not got a clue?
Ever felt you cannot seem to see the woods for the trees?
Ever felt simply stuck?
If you have found your way again either through luck, choice or self-reflection then well done to you, what an achievement. For the rest of us, let's take comfort in knowing that you really are not alone in this. There are more people than you would believe that feel like the above; some are just better at hiding it than others but all will be wishing that things were different.
How do you find your way?
A great coach can certainly help you by shining a light in the dark tunnel you feel you are lost in. They can hold the compass of direction for you until you understand which road you wish to take your dreams and aspirations down. They are even helpful at pointing out the stepping stone you could not quite see for yourself to help you gain some leverage so you can pull yourself up and out of that stuck feeling. The irony is you probably always had the torch, were holding the compass and did see the stepping stone all along but were too busy scolding yourself or had exceedingly little courage to light up the tunnel, to look at the compass, to step on the stone.
To start the process of finding your way, I believe one of the first things to do is bring it right down to the simplicities; do not leave it all in a knotted mess of complexities.
Be kind to yourself
I am well aware that simply being kind to yourself and giving yourself time is not a solution because things really are not going to get resolved in the couple of minutes it takes to read this post but it is true: be kind to yourself. Stop putting yourself down, stop berating yourself, stop with the mind-thoughts of thinking you are useless or being filled with envy over people who seem to be achieving their dreams or even of people who appear to know what they want in life.
My advice to you in this situation is to stop that train of thought and get off!
Now just ponder for 30 seconds and consider this:
In what way do any of those types of comments help at all in getting me to the place of finding my way?
I can almost guarantee that no matter what reasoning you have tried to give yourself, none of it felt warm and fuzzy inside, so the answer to the question above is: none of it. So be kind to yourself – please.
By all means, acknowledge that you are feeling unhappy and utterly fed up about how things are but make sure you tell yourself:
“I don’t have an answer right now but I am working on it. In the meantime, I am going to write these thoughts down in my journal/play it through my music/make pictures with it as I open the window and let them fly out.”
Are you catching my drift? Find your way of dealing with the negative thoughts that stem from feeling so stuck or out of control or lost.
How is this going to help you?
First of all, you will have found your way with one thing: starting to manage the negative thoughts. That in itself is one small yet extremely important step towards finding your way in life. You should recognise that and celebrate it. Only by celebrating these little positives will the negatives start to look increasingly smaller. As a result, it will generate a good starting point on feeling you are heading in the right direction, feeling more knowledgeable about which direction you want to go and starting to see what pathways are actually available for you to be intrigued with, and as a result, help you find your way.
© YMR Coaching & Development
Yvonne has qualifications in Coaching, Positive Psychology, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and believes in continual personal development. She is currently based in the UK and also has life and work experience in Ireland, New Zealand and Australia. She helps with mindset wellbeing and change which includes significant relocations. She is contactable for client availability, public speaking events and media enquiries here: https://www.ymrcoaching.com/helpful-links